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I realize at 28 I'm not as smart or together as I thought I was. This is a sobering realization. I think.

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The Jackass Chronicles

Silver Lining

I've decided that Simon getting married may be the one thing that will finally allow me to let him go. Because in all honesty, I never did let him go and I always had that in the back of my mind when dating someone. That's not fair to do to someone--when you can't love them as fully as you know they love you. I know that's what happened in every relationship I've had since college. Simon was always there, ever present, torturing me.

I was thinking about this last night and after a bottle of Chianti and a pack of Parliaments, I realized that this could be a total blessing for me.

And shockingly enough, I STILL feel that way this morning. Am I finally going to be free of Simon? Am I going to stop with the fantasies of him showing up on my lawn holding a transistor radio over his head? Will the dreams stop? Will I stop beating myself up over somethings I did and said 6 years ago?

I think so.

That's not to say I won't probably throw up on his shoes if I ever see him again.

said jerrykelly at 10:47 a.m. on September 23, 2003