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I realize at 28 I'm not as smart or together as I thought I was. This is a sobering realization. I think.

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If only I had a Dabadoo to lead me around town - April 07, 2005
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The Jackass Chronicles

UNSATISFACTORY!

I'm going to this black tie ball thing on Saturday. I'm pretty sure I don't want to go. I feel fat and ugly and boring. I don't think I'll be able to put my game face on for this thing. Too bad I already paid $100. I'm going to have to carefully weigh my options. Suzy will kill me if I don't go.

Shit, now I have to go buy pantyhose and crap.

That's it--I'm not going.

Huge meeting tomorrow. HUGE. We're going to tell the folks from NY that their office is possibly the worst office we've ever seen. The report is going to rank them as "Unsatisfactory" more than likely. In all my years of working in this business I think I've only been a part of an "Unsatisfactory" once before. Once.

My profession is so geeky. Like the worst insult we can throw out--the worst punishment--is an UNSATISFACTORY.

"Your office is UNSATISFACTORY!"

"You sir, run an UNSATISFACTORY office!"

"This whole enterprise has been deemed UNSATISFACTORY!"

I can't wait. They are going to freak out and bluster and try to talk us out of their rating. Good luck. I think I may wear a suit and severe hair.