about me______________
I realize at 28 I'm not as smart or together as I thought I was. This is a sobering realization. I think.

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The Jackass Chronicles

What I Do At Work

megf5: a slutty one

me: that goes without saying i think

megf5: i disagree

me: hmmmm

megf5:

me: can i eat a hard boiled egg that i got this AM?

me: it's been on my desk all day now

megf5: um

megf5: yes

me:

megf5: i would put it in the fridge for a little while

me: but i want to eat it now!

megf5: just so you can trick yourself into believing it's not rotten

me: it smells extra egg-y

megf5: put it in the freezer!

megf5:

megf5: ew

me: wait, are you trying to kill me?

me: should i really not eat it?

megf5: no no no

megf5: just eat it, you pussy

me:

me: are you fucking with me?

megf5: i brought a yogurt to work this morning and it's still in my purse

megf5: can i put it back in the fridge now and eat it tomorrow?

me: seriously, i have no idea about the goodness of HBeggs that have been out all day

megf5: hm

me: but they don't have to be refrigerated do they?

megf5: it's not like it's covered in mayo or anything

me: I CAN'T TRUST YOU!

me: AND THAT HURTS MY HEART!

megf5: oh shush

megf5: just eat it

me:

megf5: i'm sure you've ingested worse in the past 24 hours

megf5: are you eating it?

megf5: right

megf5: this

megf5: moment?

me: no

megf5: you should be

me: i'm skairt

megf5: it's getting more rotten every second

megf5: i mean...

megf5: eat it

megf5: it's good for you

me:

me: MEG!

megf5: mmm tasty

megf5: seriously

me:

me: i;'m so worked up over this

megf5: stop being such a scaredy cat

megf5: wow

megf5: don't eat it then

megf5: see if i care

megf5: just throw it away

megf5: come on

megf5: do it

megf5: in the garbage

me:

me: I'M SO CONFUSED

megf5: what's stopping you?

megf5: ...

megf5: ooh i know

megf5: just eat the white

me: DO YOU KNOW IF IT'S ROTTEN OR NOT?

megf5: but put some 409 on it first

megf5: let me do some research..

me: BUT THE YELLOW PART'S THE BEST PART!

megf5: mmm..rotten baby

megf5: where did you get it from?

me: the fruit store

megf5: home?

megf5: cafeteria?

megf5: the fruit store?

megf5:

me: hee hee

me: i shelled it

megf5: is it glowing green?

me: nope

megf5: is it pulsating?

me:

me: i think it just moved

megf5: oh boy

me: like that egg on that GROW game we were all playing

megf5: you'd better shove it down your gullet quick

megf5: gross

megf5: that game sucked

me: i loved that game!

me: i mean, it was no Milki

megf5: i had to cheat it was so boring

megf5: (((milki)))

megf5: did you eat the egg yet?

megf5: huh huh? didja?

megf5: EAT IT!

megf5: oh shit

megf5: are you dead?

megf5:

megf5: i blame myself

me: hang on!

me: i'm salting it

me:

me: okay, just a bite of white so far

megf5: DON'T EAT IT! YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: SHUT UP!

me: I am so tired and hungover and stoopid

me: stop fucking with me!

me: mmm...rancid yolky goodness

megf5: i read somewhere that anything the egg touches it will burn like acid

megf5: hissssssss

me: cruel, cruel miggsy

megf5: i'm listening to bel biv devoe

megf5: "that girl is poiiiisssssonnnnn"

megf5: hey! just like that egg you're eating!