about me______________
I realize at 28 I'm not as smart or together as I thought I was. This is a sobering realization.
I think.
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The Jackass Chronicles
der.
me: can we roleplay this phone call real fast?me: i'll be him
me: you be me
me: worst case scenario
Dabs : oh lord
me: COME ON!
me: hullo?
Dabs : *ring*
Dabs : wait
Dabs : we fucked it up already
me: I'M HIM!
me: ok
me: "hello?"
Dabs : THE PHONE HAS TO RING BEFORE YOU CAN ANSWER IT, YOU HUGE GIT!
me: fine
me: RINGRING
Dabs : Um
Dabs : Hi
me: Hello?
Dabs : Hey whatever your name is
me: oh! hey! what's going on?
Dabs : not much
Dabs : i was just doing laundry and i found an errant sock
me: (am i retarded?)
me: (oh yeah!)
me: oh yeah!
Dabs : you or him?
me: i think i did leave my sock at your place!
Dabs : umm (awkward pause)
me: how was your weekend?
Dabs : pretty good
Dabs : went to the movies and visited the family
me: nice!
Dabs : this is the dullest conversation ever
me: what movie?
Dabs : i don't know!
me: KEEP GOING
me: i
me: am
Dabs : oh wait - The Machinist!
me: peeing
me: myself
me: Is that the one with the dude that got really skinny?
Dabs : yeah! he lost like 60 pounds or something!
me: crazy!
me: I once knew this guy who had such a concave chest he could eat cereal out of it! he'd pour milk in it and everything!
Dabs : :shocked face guy:
Dabs : :shocked face guy:
Dabs : you know a lot of freaks
me: I went home with you, didn't I?
Dabs : i forgot who i am
Dabs : i'm you, aren't i?
Dabs : did you just call yourself a freak?
me: crying
me: gasping
Dabs : :D
me: you called him a freak
me: you're me
Dabs : i may not be smart enough for this game
me: can't breathe
Dabs : :D
me: yeah, i went to school IN SEATTLE with that guy
Dabs : so anyway, i was going to go watch MNF with some friends, but it got cancelled
Dabs : ...
me: oh yeah?
me: should be a good game!
Dabs : yeah, i'd really like to see it
me: You think Farve will pull it out tonight?
Dabs : i hear the Wilmington Tigers have a really good offense or something
me: um yeah
Dabs : ( I DON'T KNOW FOOTBALL)
me: so would you maybe want to get together or something this week?
Dabs : whew!
Dabs : sure, that sounds good
me: okaaay...
me: um, I'll call you like wednesday or something?
Dabs : oh lord
me: (noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!)
Dabs : i am going to castrate you!
me: whoa!
me: can i have my sock back first?
Dabs : YOU CAN USE YOUR SOCK TO STORE YOUR TESTICLES
me: wait!
me: there's this movie I want to see
me: it's about gay german boys in the weimar period
me: have you heard about it?
Dabs : I LOVE GAY GERMANS!
me: ME TOO!
Dabs : AND THE WEIMERANNER PERIOD!
me: let's see if we can get tix to that
Dabs : it just so happens i have 2 tickets to that!
me: awesome!
me: Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd SCENE!
me: that's probably about as well as it's going to go
Dabs : jesus god, that was retarded
Dabs : that may be the most retarded thing i've done so far this year
Dabs : it's hard, damn it!
me: AND IT'S ONLY OCTOBER!
Dabs : i know!
me: the cereal anecdote threw you off, didn't it?
Dabs : it really did