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I realize at 28 I'm not as smart or together as I thought I was. This is a sobering realization. I think.

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The Jackass Chronicles

What a Waste

You know, it's a shame the bus sucks so much because it's a veritable cornucopia of young, attractive, urban-dwelling professionals. Looking around this morning I realized that everyone on the bus was between 22 and 34. Everyone was dressed nicely for work, which means everyone had a job. And everyone was politely silent. The morning bus is eeriely silent. It's wonderful. When I say silent, I mean silent. 90% of the time, I never hear a word (save the odd "excuse me" or "sorry") THE ENTIRE RIDE.

I used to have a Bus Crush, two summers ago. He was adorable. One day, I got to sit next to him and I swear our thighs were burning from the proximity. I never saw him again. The yearning and the heat must have be too overwhelming for the guy. He wasn't ready for my jelly.

Then there was my Book Crush. A not so hott guy who read the best books. I can't remember what I saw him reading first, but I remember being like, "huh. I can't believe it's not Harry Potter or Grisham or whatever is being crammed down our throats this month" Then I saw him with his new book, my very favorite Micheal Chabon book. Very intriguing. This went on for about a season. He was a very fast reader as well, and each book was better than the last. He started to become more and more attractive to me, despite his fucked up nose. Then I was out with friends for dinner and he walked in the restaurant and I was so excited I was holding my breath. I was going to say something dumb, probably, about his books and such but talked myself out of it for fear of looking like a loony literati stalker.

Then, later that same night, I saw him at the gayest gay bar in Chicago with his boyfriends, dancing shirtless.

I need a new Bus Crush. Someone who gets me out of bed in the AM. Someone for whom I put on lip gloss. Someone who can handle the heat of my burning thigh. And preferably, someone straight.

said jerrykelly at 9:20 a.m. on March 31, 2004